Woke up today and felt like crap. Yep happens sometimes huh? The sad part is that it wasn't because I was up all night partying and getting drunk (which is what I should be doing right now) it was because I stayed up too late. How lame am I? I did homework all night. Ugh I am so lame. I should go out and get drunk, be free, and kiss random strangers. I don't have a boyfriend anymore and one of the small perks of that is there is no one to tell me what I can and cannot do. We used to have little rules for each other. Not that he ever paid attention to the rules that he had. He was more concerned with what I was doing and he could do whatever. I wasn't supposed to go out and drink or party. His excuse was he didn't trust the guys at college. Hmm maybe he didn't trust them because he knew what he wanted to do so he assumed they thought the same as him. I didn't know it but I got so tired of somebody telling me what I could and couldn't do. Don't get me wrong it was nice to have somebody that cares about your safety but I had a mom for a reason. I loved him though so I listened to him and did what he wanted. He was the exact opposite. Every time I turned around he would have some excuse as to why it was okay for him to break the rules or why it was "just this time". I am just so tired of that bullshit. Why can't people just be honest? Yea it will hurt me. It might hurt me but damn I would rather have you be honest then you lie to me to "protect me". That's such bullshit. You didn't lie to protect them. You lied to protect yourself. When you looked at the situation it was easier for you to lie and get away with it then it was for you to tell the truth and face the music. I am sorry if you're reading this blog and all you see is me talking about my ex. It wasn't meant to be that way. It was more to write about my life and our breakup is a big part of my life right now. Looking back I was stupid to stay with him for so long. I should have seen the signs and realized that I deserved better. No he didn't beat me but it was more of a mental thing. He made me feel like I was a bad person or that everything was my fault. I should have known better when even his mother told me I deserved better. HIS MOTHER! I know she loves him but she told me that she loved me like a daughter and she couldn't watch me hurt myself over and over again. I just need to stop caring and just care about myself right now. Waking up each day it gets easier. I ignore his texts most of the time and I need to just cut him off. I need to make room for myself and being alone. Right now I don't need anybody else. I'll just go to school and work and focus on that. If you are out there and you are going through something similar I feel you're pain and I hope it gets better for you. Nobody should have to go through the pain and hurt that I felt. Then again without the pain we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good that comes to us. So here's to the good, the bad, and the ugly. Hopefully you see more of the good in your life then the other two.