Ugh I know its been awhile but I have been swamped and tired and stressed. I miss sex. I know that is the last thing any of you want to hear but I miss it. Its not just the sex its also that companionship you get when you cuddle and talk afterword. Yes I'm that type of girl. I'm not much for a hit and quit it girl. Maybe I should learn to adjust to my surroundings but I just don't like the idea of having sex with somebody and then leaving. What if they have a disease or what if I accidentally get pregnant. I know that's crazy to think about and maybe I am overthinking it but is that so wrong? My mom always tells me that I overthink things and that's why I can never have any fun. But I have plenty of fun! I mean come on just because I overthink some things doesn't mean that I am a buzz kill. I can have fun I just like to make sure it's not fun that will end up killing me. Me and my roommate have been having fun the past three months we've been in college. We have went drinking, gotten drunk, and had a blast. I did it all without ending up in jail or a hospital so see overthinking isn't always a bad thing. It is when it comes to my relationships though. My ex and I have slowly drifted apart. That is normal I know but it sucks. He was like my best friend but I know he's making a better life and finding new and better people to hang out with. Its just the jealousy that gets me every once in awhile. I am moving on though. Don't get me wrong I am looking for my own fun but it's harder for me then it is for him. Not to be mean but I have high standards. Don't get those confused with impossible standards I just don't want some jobless druggie pulling me down. One of my friends always tells me that you can't help who you love but in a way you can. I learned in psychology class that the feeling of love comes from proximity along with some other fun chemical reactions in your brain. If you stay away then you have a better chance in avoiding unwanted love. So I'm trying to keep my distance. I am still healing but I would love somebody there to go out with and have some fun with. Having somebody there that texts me first in the morning and who is wondering what I'm up to. That would be really nice. My mom always says you always find love when you're not looking. Well I haven't been looking for awhile now and it still hasn't found me. Cross your fingers and hope for the best for me please. Being lonely is never fun. I just hope I can find somebody that really does care. My ex cared but he never loved me the way I needed to be loved and I didn't love him the way he needed to be loved. It was bad and I'll be over it some day I just hope there's somebody else out there waiting for a girl like me.

I have been busy with college and homework as well as with group projects. I hate group projects. First you have to find a time for everybody to get together and that is a nightmare. Then you all have to get together and work on something that nobody really cares about. Then people change stuff after you guys get done meeting and the teacher gives you a bad grade because that stuff wasn't on the syllabus. Really? Really guys you have to be kidding me. It is hard enough to get myself motivated to do my homework let alone get four other people on the same page as me. It is ridiculous. On top of that I swear my roommate hates me. Okay hate might be kind of a strong word. She started hanging out with her friend that she has known for six years and that is totally fine that is her right but its like I went away. She never wants to take pictures with me or go out with me but if her friend asks then shes okay with it. I'm not mad about it or anything it just makes me sad. We used to be close and have a lot of fun its just things have changed and I have to get used to it. Anyway more homework to get to I hope you all have a wonderful night.