Hello random people out there! I woke up today and it realized it is my weekend off. Oh how nice that is to think about. I don't have to get up and go to work smiling at people that yell at and act like them berating me didn't bother me. One of my best friends is moving to Oregon. That's a big change from here. There will be trees and water and green. Just anything green. It sucks to have to drive at least an hour and a half to see water. I will miss her so much though. Strange thing is..... she's my ex's mother. I became great friends with her and I can't imagine where I would be today without her. The freakiest thing about it is we are EXACTLY alike. We both love art and drawing. We love to read and we like the same music. We have the same body types and its freaky. I am so glad I met her she has gotten me through a lot. We have both been through a lot. Its hard not to go through a lot after three years of knowing each other. She even offered for me to move with them. Oh wouldn't that be fun? Just to pick up and leave. Run away like nothing matters. But it does matter. I cant leave my mother behind. Can't leave my brother. My mom is disabled. Not like she cant get around by herself but as she gets older its gets harder for her and I cant stand the idea of her being alone. She is a strong beautiful person. She will never admit it but she's getting older and its getting harder for her. My mother has been there for everything for me and there is no way I would pick up and just leave her. I will not have her be alone for the rest of her life that is unfair to her and it would be wrong of me. I mean she is my MOTHER. You cant get much closer than that.

  Still I dream of the day when I can pick up and leave. I can't wait till I can change scenery. Meet new people make new friends. All of my friends that I had here moved on and went to start their lives somewhere else. I want to have the courage to do that. Just uproot and go to the unknown. I only have one year and a semester left of school and then I can choose any place I can get a job. Maybe I could take my mom with me. Get her a house that she would love. My goal is to work hard and give her her dream house with her bills paid. She has worked hard her whole life pushing to make ends meet and I want to be the one to hand her the keys to her house and say "It's yours". That would be the greatest feeling. I am hoping I can find a job that gives me enough money to help her out. I have dreams and aspirations too but I can wait for mine as long as my family is safe and comfortable that will be enough to satisfy me.

  On the subject of my birthday celebration it was great. Went out with a couple of friends had dinner drank a little and then went home and fell asleep. It was a good day. I am so thankful for my friends and family. I had to respond to all the posts on facebook of the people wishing me a happy bday. I went through and thanked everybody. It was a good day and I cant wait till my 21st. Then I can go out and actually drink with my friends and not have to be the babysitter anymore. Well hope everybody had a great day as well and till I type again have a great night.

Looks like my life isn't very interesting to many people. Actually no people at all. No views for awhile. Everybody has their own lives to live though. They have work, school, kids, spouses, friends, lovers, or maybe they don't. If they don't I hope they will find someone. Being alone is never fun.

 Today was my birthday. I woke up to 0 text messages and 0 phone calls missed. I got up fairly late since my only class today started at 1:30. But I was lucky enough to wake up to one of my good friends. My roommate is crazy she's funny and beautiful. I couldn't have picked a better one. All morning she kept popping into my room screaming "It's your birthday!". It was the best alarm clock I could have asked for. She is such a great person and it makes me feel lucky to have someone like her in my life. She has been through a lot with me in the year that we have known each other. I am so grateful I met her. She's about as crazy as me and we have a total blast together. Hence this morning we went through our motions and she was nice enough to make sure I was up and ready for the day before she left.

By the time I finished my morning rituals I went back to check my phone and all of my friends and family had blown it up. The happy birthday wishes were piling up. It made my day. Then my older brother Rob put a post on Facebook that almost made me cry. We are not the lovey dovey type of siblings. When we see each other we don't hug or even touch. Him and I have just never been that way. When I read his post I realized that he loves me more than I thought. He wrote that he was proud of me and that I was the kindest most caring person that he knows. That means so much to me. I have looked up to him my entire life. He is the reason I pushed myself so hard. I always worked for him to be proud of me, for him to be proud that I was his sister. Yes he can be a total jerk. He can be selfish and mean but he can also be sweet. He has this soft side not many people see. When I see him around children or somebody who is mentally impaired there is a whole other side to him. The gentle way he treats them and the patients that he has with them is astounding. That's my favorite side of him. He has been hurt so much during his life. He was hurt by our dad, his first love, basically anybody that he let close to him and it breaks my heart to see him hurt. I am scared he will miss out on the love of his life because he will be too scared to let her in. I couldn't take him being alone for the rest of his life. He deserves the best. I want everybody to find their true love. To find a love that baffles you, astounds you, even takes your breath away. Its out there. I know it is. I can feel it. I can see my brother with the love of his life and a whole bunch of little Robs running around. That would make him so happy I know it would. If he could just let someone in. I hurt when he hurts. I hurt when anybody around me is hurting because I know how they feel or I can empathize with their situations. It sucks to hurt but that means when you find something good that you can appreciate it. I hope all of you find your true loves. Sounds corny I know but I hope you find that one person that is there for you no matter what. If you don't have anybody right now I am here for you. I realize that that might sound kind of creepy but its not meant to be that way. No matter where you are or who you are I care about your happiness. I don't want to see anybody hurt but its a fact of life it will happen. Just wait and sooner or later the pain and tears will become bearable and then you will wake up one day and the hurt will just be a dull ache in your chest. Stay strong. You are a good person and you deserve the best. No matter what you have been through in life everybody has good in them. You just have to be patients enough to find it.

Has anyone ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend for an extended amount of time? You probably have and if you haven't well I'm sure one day you'll get one! Anyway I just got out of a relationship that I had with a boy for 2 1/2 years. I thought he was the love of my life. Yes at 17 I thought I had found the one. That isn't too hard to imagine. He was my first. My first love, my first to go all the way with, my first of most anything. Now before him I had had a few boyfriends. Don't get me wrong it wasn't like I had leprosy or anything but I wasn't much for dating in high school. Most of the guys I knew were my friends. I was the one they went to when they wanted advise on how to ask a girl out or what should they do on the first date. I was good at being friends with them. I honestly wanted nothing more from them. The girls that knew me knew I would never go for their boyfriends. I'm not that type of person. I was the best friend never the girl friend. I didn't mind it that way. I mean my first boyfriend was a boy I had known since 7th grade and I only dated him because of a bet. That is a story for another day though. I met my first love when I went to McDonalds to get a snack after basketball practice (healthy right?). It was me and another girl that I used to be really good friends with and we got out of my car and went to go into the fast food place. Well I had known Izzy (lets just call him Izzy for the sake of anonymity) for a few weeks before this. We had been joking around and going back and forth. He seemed interested but rarely did I pick up on these things and he was NOT my type. He had just broken up with his girlfriend just a few weeks before this and I was just expecting him to be looking for a rebound.

 I always joked with everybody and asked them if they wanted to make out. Most people joked back and agreed to meet me at a specific time and place. I had done this a few times with him. Well this day he was working the drive through window. He opened it and leaned out. He yelled a hello and I waved at him in passing then he yelled for my number. I just laughed and kept walking not taking him seriously. Then he got a serious look on his face and repeated his request. I never saw him like that. I didn't want anybody at the moment. I was getting ready to graduate and move on to college. A summer romance was the last thing on my mind. Well I always say "Say yes to something once, if you don't like it don't do it again." That of course excludes some illegal activities and drugs. So I thought it through and I yelled my number at him and went on with my day. He took about thirty minutes to text me first. He had dated the girl I was hanging out with and he had her number too. She had screwed him over and never really liked him so they just went back to being friends. Izzy had to text her to get my number because he didn't remember it after I had yelled it at him. After that we started to hang out. Our first kiss was awkward and slobbery. We were awkward and just didn't seem to fit. I didn't want to fall in love with somebody, I mean I had to leave in three months. He had other plans. Oh I hate to fall for anyone. I fight and push you away because I know once I say yes, and give in, I fall HARD. That's what happened. Oh I fell hard and I have loved him ever since. We had hard times but for the first nine months of our relationship I was in pure bliss. He and I fit together like we were made for each other. I would have done anything for him. Oh I loved him and to be honest I still do. Its hard to shut off your emotions even after your hearts been stomped on. He hurt me a lot. The first time he broke up with me shattered my world. Yes I say first time because it happened three times. The third time was the hardest because I knew it was done for good. I know that most of you will be judging me because I went back to him but I loved him. There wasn't a moment that I didn't want him until I found out some of the things he had done. That is another section of my post I will share later.

I had never felt something so painful. I know I sound like a weak teenager in a Romeo and Juliet style book but it was different. He was my first love. I thought I would spend my life with him. We planned our lives together he asked me to marry him three time. No not just once but THREE times. Yet he kept hurting me. I gave him everything but that wasn't enough for him. He was 18 and yearning to be free and I was 18 and wanting to be his, only his. I have never loved so hard. He had a hold on me and I couldn't turn away. I have always believed in him. He had so many chances to become the man I knew he could be, but he never wanted it. He never believed in himself like I did. I just want the best for him but its hard to see someone walk away from you and to know that they aren't yours any more. I have prayed for my heart to not care. I have begged for me not to hurt anymore. I know it will take time but eventually I will be ok enough to just be friends with him and wish him the best. I have so much more to say but this post is long already so to be continued..... Here is the statement of the day: If you have someone that loves you, and I mean really LOVES you, don't let them walk out the door. You wont find many people out there that have a pure enough heart to love you for who you are. If you find that person hold them tight and make them feel glad to be with you everyday. And if you already found them go give them a kiss and tell them you love them because you can never do that enough. You are very lucky to have found them if you did and I can only hope that one day I can find that.

Welcome to Life's A Beach. If you're here for some fascinating and ground breaking reading well I'm afraid you will probably be sorely disappointed. This a blog about my life just like many other blogs out there. It's more of  diary for somebody who finds typing is easier than writing. I don't mind writing don't get me wrong I think it is becoming a skill that is taken for granted. People would rather post their lives on social media then right a letter to a friend. It's sad to see the world change so much in such a short amount of time. I mean in my short twenty years CD players were replaced with iPods, dial up was replaced with WiFi, and computers went from setting on the table to setting in your hand. Now I was not there for the big things like the first computer but things have really changed since my birth. It's really mind blowing to see the changes in just a few years.

Anyway away from that tangent anybody else going back to college around now? It's ridiculous what these schools get from us. I shouldn't be going to school for Business Management, I should be going to school to write a text book! I just spent $300 on two books. Really? $300? Then the teachers try to explain away the reason for having to buy a book that just came out "Oh well they changed one chapter and last years book is outdated". Well ok would you like to pay for my books? To some people that wouldn't be much or their books cost a great deal more but to me that is still a lot of money. I worked for that money and each year I see it dwindle away in books. I know its going towards college but I mean come on in some countries college is free! That is ridiculous. With the way this is going the only people going to college will be the wealthy and the lower part of society will be cleaning and doing the jobs that the rich will be to good for. Not the future I would like to live in.

Now I sound like a snooty college student that thinks they know everything. Let me be the first to admit I do not know everything. Not even close! I have lived one fourth of my life and I haven't even been out of the country! I would love to go to places like Ireland, Greece, Iceland, and Alaska. See the world as it is. Even in the United States there are some amazing places. Yellowstone National Park, Las Vegas, Colorado Rockies, and even just the simple things along the way. This world is wonderful and I can't wait to see it. Neither should you whoever you may be. Just because you aren't there now doesn't mean you can't get there someday. Or if you are already on the trip of a lifetime take it all in! You are one of the few that get to experience those kinds of places. It is an awesome gift to have the ability to go and do fun and exciting new things. So may people take their time for granted and say I'll get it later. I say go and get it now while you can. Don't wait for retirement when you are aged and tired from a life time of work. Take that vacation now. Save up and plan. Time is such a fleeting thing and you cant expect to be this age forever.

As you can see I am a very diverse person. I tend to go off on many tangents and I lose track of my thoughts but it helps to see words on a screen and think that maybe someone somewhere out there is reading the words that I posted here today. As for today I am done ranting but I would like to leave with a thought of the day. Don't waste time, because you don't know how much you have. You may expect an endless amount but it could end anytime. Don't take for granted the things that you have in your life but really take it all in. Life is short. Like my mom says Life's a Beach and then you die.