Has anyone ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend for an extended amount of time? You probably have and if you haven't well I'm sure one day you'll get one! Anyway I just got out of a relationship that I had with a boy for 2 1/2 years. I thought he was the love of my life. Yes at 17 I thought I had found the one. That isn't too hard to imagine. He was my first. My first love, my first to go all the way with, my first of most anything. Now before him I had had a few boyfriends. Don't get me wrong it wasn't like I had leprosy or anything but I wasn't much for dating in high school. Most of the guys I knew were my friends. I was the one they went to when they wanted advise on how to ask a girl out or what should they do on the first date. I was good at being friends with them. I honestly wanted nothing more from them. The girls that knew me knew I would never go for their boyfriends. I'm not that type of person. I was the best friend never the girl friend. I didn't mind it that way. I mean my first boyfriend was a boy I had known since 7th grade and I only dated him because of a bet. That is a story for another day though. I met my first love when I went to McDonalds to get a snack after basketball practice (healthy right?). It was me and another girl that I used to be really good friends with and we got out of my car and went to go into the fast food place. Well I had known Izzy (lets just call him Izzy for the sake of anonymity) for a few weeks before this. We had been joking around and going back and forth. He seemed interested but rarely did I pick up on these things and he was NOT my type. He had just broken up with his girlfriend just a few weeks before this and I was just expecting him to be looking for a rebound.

 I always joked with everybody and asked them if they wanted to make out. Most people joked back and agreed to meet me at a specific time and place. I had done this a few times with him. Well this day he was working the drive through window. He opened it and leaned out. He yelled a hello and I waved at him in passing then he yelled for my number. I just laughed and kept walking not taking him seriously. Then he got a serious look on his face and repeated his request. I never saw him like that. I didn't want anybody at the moment. I was getting ready to graduate and move on to college. A summer romance was the last thing on my mind. Well I always say "Say yes to something once, if you don't like it don't do it again." That of course excludes some illegal activities and drugs. So I thought it through and I yelled my number at him and went on with my day. He took about thirty minutes to text me first. He had dated the girl I was hanging out with and he had her number too. She had screwed him over and never really liked him so they just went back to being friends. Izzy had to text her to get my number because he didn't remember it after I had yelled it at him. After that we started to hang out. Our first kiss was awkward and slobbery. We were awkward and just didn't seem to fit. I didn't want to fall in love with somebody, I mean I had to leave in three months. He had other plans. Oh I hate to fall for anyone. I fight and push you away because I know once I say yes, and give in, I fall HARD. That's what happened. Oh I fell hard and I have loved him ever since. We had hard times but for the first nine months of our relationship I was in pure bliss. He and I fit together like we were made for each other. I would have done anything for him. Oh I loved him and to be honest I still do. Its hard to shut off your emotions even after your hearts been stomped on. He hurt me a lot. The first time he broke up with me shattered my world. Yes I say first time because it happened three times. The third time was the hardest because I knew it was done for good. I know that most of you will be judging me because I went back to him but I loved him. There wasn't a moment that I didn't want him until I found out some of the things he had done. That is another section of my post I will share later.

I had never felt something so painful. I know I sound like a weak teenager in a Romeo and Juliet style book but it was different. He was my first love. I thought I would spend my life with him. We planned our lives together he asked me to marry him three time. No not just once but THREE times. Yet he kept hurting me. I gave him everything but that wasn't enough for him. He was 18 and yearning to be free and I was 18 and wanting to be his, only his. I have never loved so hard. He had a hold on me and I couldn't turn away. I have always believed in him. He had so many chances to become the man I knew he could be, but he never wanted it. He never believed in himself like I did. I just want the best for him but its hard to see someone walk away from you and to know that they aren't yours any more. I have prayed for my heart to not care. I have begged for me not to hurt anymore. I know it will take time but eventually I will be ok enough to just be friends with him and wish him the best. I have so much more to say but this post is long already so to be continued..... Here is the statement of the day: If you have someone that loves you, and I mean really LOVES you, don't let them walk out the door. You wont find many people out there that have a pure enough heart to love you for who you are. If you find that person hold them tight and make them feel glad to be with you everyday. And if you already found them go give them a kiss and tell them you love them because you can never do that enough. You are very lucky to have found them if you did and I can only hope that one day I can find that.